I remember the night I decided to jump 19 months ago. None of it made any sense to me as I drove in a sort of panic, listening to the words of my friend on the other end of the phone trying to calm me down. I knew I was listening to God, but I was still completely scared to death of the future. It was just a few days before Christmas, 2012.
I remember thinking that I had certainly been through much more difficult things, and that since I clearly heard the Lord tell me it was ok to concede, things would be better than ever before in just a short time, because He was directing the leap. After all, God knew I was trusting Him with everything, so things could not possibly get that bad.
I remember the first few months believing for every lead that came across the line….believing each one was deliverance from the trial. An opportunity would come, only to be ridden out like a cresting wave, soon crashing when the shore line was just in reach. I would go to bed at night in anticipation of what the next morning would hold, grasping to the verse in Lamentations with all my might “…His Mercies are New Every Morning…” Soon, I realized this was not going to be the joyful ride I had anticipated a Faith jump would be.
I remember fighting with everything I had, to hold on to the dream I had in my heart. As I slowly released the grip on what I thought my life was going to be, I began to lose my purpose. I would say things out loud like, “I know God is in this”, and “He has provided”, and I meant it with every ounce of me. I celebrated in the small things God was doing, all while feeling like I had been robbed of the blessed life I had finally been living.
Whoever says that being obedient to God is easy in this world we live in is absolutely crazy. In fact, It is down right hard. But God never promised us it would be easy, in fact, in the book of John, we are clearly told that in this world we WILL have trouble, and we are also clearly told to not have fear, because HE has overcome the world. What a revelation, He has ALREADY OVERCOME. I am guilty of having fear and worry on many days. I have complained way more in the last 6 months than I have in years, and I have wavered in my faith more in the last 2 months than ever before in my life. Getting honest before the Lord and those I trust has been quite literally, life saving to me. And this is the reason I am writing today….because it is time...To Be Honest.
Growing up in a Christian family, I was taught all of the things about God that I have written. My life from a very early age was not easy, and I learned very soon that depending on Christ was the only way to make it through the evil things of this world. I have way too many life experiences that should have destroyed me...there but by the Grace of God go I. Somewhere in the cloud of this journey, amid all the scripture I was reading and the prayers I was praying, my stability began to shift, and my footing slipped. My focus was not to overcome, but to merely survive, and I forgot that I was a victor. I lost my spirit and my smile, my drive and my purpose. I began living on auto-pilot and not caring about what was going on around me.
I am not writing a pity me story today, I am writing an “I have been there” testimony to encourage anyone and everyone who has gotten caught up in the circumstances of life, to shine the light on the dark places. The enemy is a liar and he comes to steal, kill and destroy. His goal is to take us all out. He will not stop raging war against the Spirit of the living God until He feels he has won that battle. Often times, we do not even realize he is the one at work until it is too late….I am writing to tell you it is never too late. You can never outrun the long arm of the Lord. There is no darkness of this world that can stand in the Light of His presence. When we accept Christ as our Savior, we have IN US, the power of the Holy Spirit, active and ready to overcome all the powers of this evil world.
I am an overcomer. You are an overcomer. Christ lives IN us, and His power is strong in our weakness. Live on purpose today. Live intentionally. Love on purpose today. Love intentionally. Your co-worker may be consumed by darkness you do not understand. Your closest friend may be slipping away into cruise control. Your spouse, your children, may be secretly battling something they thought they could handle, only to have found themselves more vulnerable in the war. Share your story, be honest, take off the mask and spread hope for the world around you.
I am by far not perfect, and I stumble as much as anyone, but I refuse to stay down, as prey for the enemy. I declare a stance...to be Set Apart....to Set a Standard of the Power of God at work in my life. Join Me. It is time....To Be Honest...