"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future." Proverbs 31:25
I have honestly never liked the phrase "I want to be the Proverbs 31 Woman". I mean, seriously, what woman do YOU know who can attain ALL of these things?... And even if we try our entire lives, to achieve in one area, is to fail miserably in the following. REALLY, not EVERY woman looks good in PURPLE!!!
Yesterday, I had an epiphany in the dressing room of a fine clothing store. Hilarious as it sounds, it is true. I had grabbed a couple of dresses, some pants, and a couple blouses off of the racks....every one had a number on the tag much smaller than I have ever even THOUGHT of trying on. With each successful round of "fitting" into the garments, the smile on my heart got a little brighter and a little brighter. There were so many things rushing through my mind, that I quickly became a bit overwhelmed with the entire experience. As I looked at the final dress hanging on the hook, I thought to myself, "It has a belt, I would never be able to pull off a dainty little belt like that"....I slipped on the dress without looking in the mirror, fastened the belt at my waste, and slowly turned myself to see the reflection looking back at me. Tears instantly came to my eyes, as, for the first time, I saw in that reflection, the image created in the likeness of my God.
In saying that, I need to also say that I was not looking at the PHYSICAL image in that mirror. No, for the very first time, I saw myself for who I was as a person, as a woman, as a child of God. I cannot even tell you when that vision of myself became conscrewed, but I have been very aware for a long time that I did not see myself the way my Heavenly Father does. Yesterday, the girl in the mirror smiling back at me was beautiful in a way that I almost did not recognize, shining through the eyes and the smile was a very real sense of Joy. Joy is where the tears came from.
In those few moments, my mind raced back over the events that have brought me to this point. Very quickly, things from my past that had held me in bondage were brought to mind and released. This was not a process that happened in 5 minutes looking in a dressing room mirror, no, this was the completion of a project God has been working on for many, many months. I realized that the grueling journey of examining who I am, my thought process, my motives, my actions, and putting them in alignment with God, had reached a point in which I could rest in Him and believe that the hardest part had been finished.
I left low self-esteem in that small room...and the feeling of not being worthy of love...I left insecurity and doubt there....along with bitterness and unforgiveness....I gained hold of the worth of my womanhood, the trust in my relationships, and the dignity of myself. In all, I left the broken, abandoned, self manipulated girl there...and took with me the confident, healed, untouched woman who is walking taller, and with more strength in the FEAR of her MOST HIGH GOD...with a smile, looking toward the future!
The latter is the focus of my new found belief in the "Proverbs 31 Woman". If I put one foot in front of the other, without sabotage on my own, and walk humbly in the Fear of the Lord, I will have achieved the greatest part of that entire chapter....from this, the rest will fall into place, and that gray dress will look just as stunning as any scarlet or purple!!