A Call to Anguish - David Wilkerson

A true Pillar of Faith. His impact will have Eternal effect!!

A Call to Anguish - David Wilkerson

Inspiration

"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future." Proverbs 31:25


I have honestly never liked the phrase "I want to be the Proverbs 31 Woman". I mean, seriously, what woman do YOU know who can attain ALL of these things?... And even if we try our entire lives, to achieve in one area, is to fail miserably in the following. REALLY, not EVERY woman looks good in PURPLE!!!

Yesterday, I had an epiphany in the dressing room of a fine clothing store. Hilarious as it sounds, it is true. I had grabbed a couple of dresses, some pants, and a couple blouses off of the racks....every one had a number on the tag much smaller than I have ever even THOUGHT of trying on. With each successful round of "fitting" into the garments, the smile on my heart got a little brighter and a little brighter. There were so many things rushing through my mind, that I quickly became a bit overwhelmed with the entire experience. As I looked at the final dress hanging on the hook, I thought to myself, "It has a belt, I would never be able to pull off a dainty little belt like that"....I slipped on the dress without looking in the mirror, fastened the belt at my waste, and slowly turned myself to see the reflection looking back at me. Tears instantly came to my eyes, as, for the first time, I saw in that reflection, the image created in the likeness of my God.

In saying that, I need to also say that I was not looking at the PHYSICAL image in that mirror. No, for the very first time, I saw myself for who I was as a person, as a woman, as a child of God. I cannot even tell you when that vision of myself became conscrewed, but I have been very aware for a long time that I did not see myself the way my Heavenly Father does. Yesterday, the girl in the mirror smiling back at me was beautiful in a way that I almost did not recognize, shining through the eyes and the smile was a very real sense of Joy. Joy is where the tears came from.

In those few moments, my mind raced back over the events that have brought me to this point. Very quickly, things from my past that had held me in bondage were brought to mind and released. This was not a process that happened in 5 minutes looking in a dressing room mirror, no, this was the completion of a project God has been working on for many, many months. I realized that the grueling journey of examining who I am, my thought process, my motives, my actions, and putting them in alignment with God, had reached a point in which I could rest in Him and believe that the hardest part had been finished.

I left low self-esteem in that small room...and the feeling of not being worthy of love...I left insecurity and doubt there....along with bitterness and unforgiveness....I gained hold of the worth of my womanhood, the trust in my relationships, and the dignity of myself. In all, I left the broken, abandoned, self manipulated girl there...and took with me the confident, healed, untouched woman who is walking taller, and with more strength in the FEAR of her MOST HIGH GOD...with a smile, looking toward the future!

The latter is the focus of my new found belief in the "Proverbs 31 Woman". If I put one foot in front of the other, without sabotage on my own, and walk humbly in the Fear of the Lord, I will have achieved the greatest part of that entire chapter....from this, the rest will fall into place, and that gray dress will look just as stunning as any scarlet or purple!!

Salt and Light

"You are the salt of the earth;......Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:13a&16

These verses in Matthew intrigue me. They are picture words describing the life we as christians are called to portray to the world we live in. This is the view that people in our sphere of influence should see, as well as feel, when looking through the window of our life. Have you ever wondered if your life is living up to the standard God created it to be?

That may sound silly to some people. For the majority live their lives justifying their actions in the mirror of the world instead of through the hands of the very one who knit us together in the womb. I find it fascinating in a way, that we as christians have found that view of ourselves to be acceptable; my how we have settled for less than what we truly are.

I have come to realize, that so many people have been stunted in their growth as ambassadors for Christ, because they have taken on this "false" persona. They live in a world surrounded by people who do nothing more than pat them on the back as they continue to do the same old thing, the same old way. To live in this "place" is ok, I guess. It is very possible to live a life less than what we were created for and survive, but who wants to merely "survive"? Would it not be more fulfilling to live a purposeful life, a life that is used by God to bring His glory into a dark and dreary land? Of course it would, because that is the very reason we are here!

Mediocre is NOT fulfilling and purposeful. We must surround ourselves with people who see us through the very eyes of Jesus, who love us for who we are, and SHOVE us to growth, even when it hurts. These are people God places in our lives to help us get to the next level. From that discipleship we grow in our knowledge of God, who He is, and how He wants us to then live our lives in front of others; then happens the domino effect of one life touching another, and another, and another...Oh the possibilities for God's Glory!

So what do I see when I look in the mirror? I see a broken, fallen, messed up girl who God has lifted up, filled up, and called into ministry to be used by Him. I often meditate on these verses in Matthew 5, because they are such clear and accurate pictures of what I want my life to be when another woman looks at me. To be Salt and Light in a world, to women who have been left out, hung out, and forgotten. God's promises are for all, and if God can turn my life into something this wonderful and blessed, then He can, and WILL certainly do it for anyone!

NO OSMOSIS!!

"Wise men store up knowledge...." Proverbs 10:14

I seriously had one of the most humiliating experiences of my life yesterday.

This would be a good time to disclose that I am taking the next step in God's calling on my life by entering Bible College in March 2011. It is something I have ALWAYS wanted to do, and felt God wanted me to do, it just has not presented itself so perfectly until now. That being said, I must also say that at the age of 34, taking a Math and English placement test was NOT my idea of a "Red Carpet Welcome"....I mean, seriously, I have an Associates Degree already, WHY must I prove I can add 2+2 and tell the difference between a noun and a verb? Silly waste of time if you ask me! Little did I know......

"Mrs. Mahnke (which I HATE being called)....it is also required of every applicant to take a "Pre-Entrance Bible Test".....to myself, I thought...."percentages may throw me off...sentence structure may give me fits....but this BIBLE stuff....NO PROBLEM!!! Or So I thought!!

I can tell you the stories of the Bible. I can pull a Bible verse out of the inner most part of my brain on the spot....I can answer Bible Quiz questions....I can win a Bible Sword drill against almost ANYONE...I was, after all, BORN A PK!!! But this....this test....well, I think the point is to prove to those of us who are entering this vocation, that being "born entitled" is a scam, and that for certain, we must each dig deeper to be prepared for such a calling.

I am not saying that everyone has to go to Bible college or be called into ministry to be so humbled by God. What I am saying, is that God is slowly stripping back the layers of who I "thought" I was. He is taking everyday situations in my life, and demonstrating to me that He created me for a specific purpose, and that purpose has nothing to do with my birthright here on earth. Being born "entitled" as a daughter of a preacher, is an identity I took on from the day I was born. It has created for me wonderful opportunity and great love from hundreds of people. What it also did for me is create a false sense of who I was. Every choice I made, every choice I did not make...every relationship I had....every relationship that broke my heart....every THOUGHT I had eventually found it's root in the heritage I had here on earth, not the heritage I have in Heaven.

I love being a preacher's daughter. I love all the "spoiling" that has come along with it...all the gifts, all the memories, all the laughter, and even all the tears. But today, today I am reminded of who GOD wants me to be OUTSIDE of that label.....a fully sold out, knowledgeable, never wavering, deep and transparent Child of the Living God.

Needless to say, I left the library laughing out loud at the inadequacy of my Bible Knowledge....saying to myself and anyone around...."NO OSMOSIS"...!!!

Who am I?

" I am holy, chosen, a special treasure for the Lord." Deuteronomy 14:2

I have recently had an opportunity to hold a mirror in front of my face. Not only in front of my face, but in front of my heart. Today, I call it an opportunity.....a few short weeks ago, I would have called it an assignment. It was an assignment from God, and I eagerly took part.....until I held that mirror REALLY close, and then....well then, I saw the flaws.

My eagerness quickly turned to caution as I looked at...."that wound", and "this scar". I became very aware that God was taking me to a deeper level with Him, and in order to do that, He had to reveal to me those very secret places that I had guarded not only from other people in my life, but from myself, and ultimately, from God. There has been NOTHING fun about this process. Wounds and scars are not things that I want to hold a magnifying glass over and look deeper into. They are disgusting and horrendous. They have many layers of death and life, and a stench that breathes out of them. When I looked at these blemishes on my heart, I came to realize that the true purpose of this process was not to name the victimization, but to name the person I had adapted into because of it......the part of me that I am responsible for....the part of me that needed to be transformed back to its original design, the way God created me.

In order to do this, I had to take responsibility for the parts of my character that I had allowed to be manipulated into serving as a protection for my heart. I could see that because of certain situations that took place in my past, I had taken up my own armor, and built a wall around it....a wall that no one could break down unless I SAID SO, and even in giving the permission, still giving myself full authority to stop it in its tracks if I felt too vulnerable or threatened. I had to be in control, if I was not in control, that meant the other person was, and as soon as that happened, I opened my heart up to be wounded once again. In taking all of these steps to protect myself, I focused on how I was going to do it, and in essence, took God out of the equation, and the very intimate details of my life.

We all have these places. They are the places that only we know of....the spots only we can see...and because of that very private relationship we have with them, we control how much they control us. There is nothing more binding than our own perspective on who God created us to be. It goes something like this: "God created me this way,...guess this is my "LOT" in life, therefor, I CAN'T DO THIS, I CAN'T BE THAT, SHE WON'T WANT TO BE MY FRIEND, HE WON'T REALLY WANT TO DATE ME".....messed up as it is, this is then who we become, and day after day, year after year, it builds and builds until we truly believe that this is not only the way PEOPLE see us, but the way GOD sees us. At this very instance is when we take God away and focus on ourselves. No longer do we give God the opportunity to give to us divine direction because we are too busy guarding off this and pushing off that. It is a very comfortable place, and really, we could all live there and not suffer....but what if....WHAT IF we allowed God true access to that place....What if we let go and let God?

I am able to say, that once I gave up the reigns in certain areas...identified the source, and focused on the solution through Christ, my life has been beyond what I had ever dreamed. My relationships with others are deeper and more significant because I know that my identity is in God, and not in those I call my closest friends. Keeping God in the center of my life is mandatory for healthy and meaningful relationship with my children, my husband, my family and my friends. If I count on God to whisper significance into my ear, that takes the pressure off of myself....in looking for that love and acceptance from those joining me on this journey. Life is so much more meaningful and full of substance....it is more relaxed and comfortable....and honestly, it is SO MUCH MORE FUN!!!

Who am I? I am a daughter of the Most High King....an Heiress....a Priceless Gem....the Apple of His Eye..."I am holy, chosen, a special treasure for the Lord".....

Recognition

"Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water" John 4:10

I use to laugh at my parents when we would run into someone they "knew" out in public....because it would not take long after that encounter for them to turn to me and say, "I have NO idea who that was, I went to school with her, I know that, but I cannot remember her name". They were SO OLD, and that would NEVER happen to ME.....or so I thought! I cannot count how many times over the last 5 years that very same scenerio has happened to me.....Unbelievable.
I can so relate with the woman at the well. There have been times in my life in which I have become so"lazy" in my time spent with God, that I have not RECOGNIZED who He was in the middle of the chaos. He had not gone anywhere, but I had. He was still doing His "thing", but I was too busy with life and being consumed by the events of this world, that I did not hear His direction, and to that end, chose my own way. There is nothing more humbling than looking back and realizing He had given me the way around the situation, and I had not RECOGNIZED His face standing right in front of me.
God wants us to WANT Him. He has given us life here on earth NOT to prosper ourselves, but to LOOK to Him in ALL things, and when it is all over, give HIM the GLORY for what HE has brought us through. This is our testimony, our own personal sermon in which to reach those walkig amongst us who have no idea who the man sitting next to them at the well is, because no one has ever taken the time to introduce them.
If we spend time in the Word, and Prayer with God, we will KNOW Him. When we see Him, we will recognize the voice, the hand, the way He is directing us. These are the ways God has given us access to Him, to not take advantage of them is to hinder our walk, and thus, our testimony and outreach to the lost world around us. Prayer fosters a relationship, the Word, an understanding, things we need in order to grow deeper in relationship and love of WHO our Saviour is.
Never again do I want to be in the same place as that woman at the well, not able to recognize the ONE and ONLY SAVIOUR who would not only give her water, but LIFE ETERNAL. I want to see Him at every crossroad and every direction I take, and be able to choose that way because I KNOW HIM, and I TRUST Him.....