The Bigger Picture; A New Years Resolve

Isaiah 61:1-3

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me

because the Lord has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

 instead of mourning

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord

for the display of his splendor."   

Today I put pen to paper.  The old fashioned way....the way that allows my heart to speak through the illustration of cursive writing and scratched out sentences.  And as I do, the picture being painted mirrors the story of the year gone bye.

With the beauty of the connecting letters, I see how one leads to another and soon their togetherness has kept them going until a thought is complete or a sentence finished.  That is precisely the way we make it through life, isn't it?  One step leads to another and another, and soon we have walked a path that has lead us to where we are. And in the ugliness of the mess ups and the scratched out mistakes we see the beauty of the moments.

There have been moments in the past year that have been created by love and laughter, by trial and struggle, by support and friendship, by fear and uncertainty, all woven together to bring me to this day.  Often times on the first day of the new year I declare that the year ahead will be better than the one before, but in looking back through the glass of time, today I see things differently and I am looking ahead through a different lens.

While there were roads I would have rather not had to travel these last months...there are far more I am happy I have. This year I have seen the Goodness of God abound above the circumstances of life.  I have been witness to His Character of Light, in Him whom is no darkness.  I have been subject to His Grace and the Empowerment that it brings.  I have been humbled by His Mercy, and the Favor and Blessings that flow from it.  I am standing because His Love surrounded me.

The Sovereignty of God says that He has my life, your life, everything under His control.  He is the beginning and the end, There is nothing too difficult for Him, He is above and before all things, He knows all things, He created all things and holds them together. Today, I am choosing to focus more on the bigger picture than the scratches and mess ups on the path to getting there. The beauty of the outcome depends upon the lessons learned between the connecting of the letters. Today, I am declaring that this year be marked by things of ETERNAL VALUE, and influence for the Kingdom...things that bring Him Glory and bring more to Salvation.  After all....that truly is the Biggest Picture being painted....

To Be Honest...

I remember the night I decided to jump 19 months ago. None of it made any sense to me as I drove in a sort of panic, listening to the words of my friend on the other end of the phone trying to calm me down.  I knew I was listening to God, but I was still completely scared to death of the future.  It was just a few days before Christmas, 2012. 

I remember thinking that I had certainly been through much more difficult things, and that since I clearly heard the Lord tell me it was ok to concede, things would be better than ever before in just a short time, because He was directing the leap.  After all, God knew I was trusting Him with everything, so things could not possibly get that bad.

I remember the first few months believing for every lead that came across the line….believing each one was deliverance from the trial.  An opportunity would come, only to be ridden out like a cresting wave, soon crashing when the shore line was just in reach.  I would go to bed at night in anticipation of what the next morning would hold, grasping to the verse in Lamentations with all my might “…His Mercies are New Every Morning…”  Soon, I realized this was not going to be the joyful ride I had anticipated a Faith jump would be.

I remember fighting with everything I had, to hold on to the dream I had in my heart.  As I slowly released the grip on what I thought my life was going to be, I began to lose my purpose.  I would say things out loud like, “I know God is in this”, and “He has provided”, and I meant it with every ounce of me.  I celebrated in the small things God was doing, all while feeling like I had been robbed of the blessed life I had finally been living.

 
Whoever says that being obedient to God is easy in this world we live in is absolutely crazy.  In fact, It is down right hard.  But God never promised us it would be easy, in fact, in the book of John, we are clearly told that in this world we WILL have trouble, and we are also clearly told to not have fear, because HE has overcome the world.  What a revelation, He has ALREADY OVERCOME.  I am guilty of having fear and worry on many days.  I have complained way more in the last 6 months than I have in years, and I have wavered in my faith more in the last 2 months than ever before in my life.  Getting honest before the Lord and those I trust has been quite literally, life saving to me.  And this is the reason I am writing today….because it is time...To Be Honest.

Growing up in a Christian family, I was taught all of the things about God that I have written.  My life from a very early age was not easy, and I learned very soon that depending on Christ was the only way to make it through the evil things of this world.  I have way too many life experiences that should have destroyed me...there but by the Grace of God go I.  Somewhere in the cloud of this journey, amid all the scripture I was reading and the prayers I was praying, my stability began to shift, and my footing slipped.  My focus was not to overcome, but to merely survive, and I forgot that I was a victor.  I lost my spirit and my smile, my drive and my purpose.  I began living on auto-pilot and not caring about what was going on around me. 

I am not writing a pity me story today, I am writing an “I have been there” testimony to encourage anyone and everyone who has gotten caught up in the circumstances of life, to shine the light on the dark places.  The enemy is a liar and he comes to steal, kill and destroy.  His goal is to take us all out.  He will not stop raging war against the Spirit of the living God until He feels he has won that battle.  Often times, we do not even realize he is the one at work until it is too late….I am writing to tell you it is never too late.  You can never outrun the long arm of the Lord.  There is no darkness of this world that can stand in the Light of His presence.  When we accept Christ as our Savior, we have IN US, the power of the Holy Spirit, active and ready to overcome all the powers of this evil world. 

 

I am an overcomer.  You are an overcomer.  Christ lives IN us, and His power is strong in our weakness.  Live on purpose today.  Live intentionally.  Love on purpose today.  Love intentionally.  Your co-worker may be consumed by darkness you do not understand.  Your closest friend may be slipping away into cruise control.  Your spouse, your children, may be secretly battling something they thought they could handle, only to have found themselves more vulnerable in the war.  Share your story, be honest, take off the mask and spread hope for the world around you. 

 

I am by far not perfect, and I stumble as much as anyone, but I refuse to stay down, as prey for the enemy.  I declare a stance...to be Set Apart....to Set a Standard of the Power of God at work in my life.  Join Me.  It is time....To Be Honest...

I Have Seen Him

Then John gave the testimony: "I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him. And I myself did not know him, but the one who sent me to baptize with water told me, 'The man on whom you see the Spirit come down and remain is the one who will baptize with the Holy Spirit.'  I have seen and I testify that this is God's Chosen One." John 1:32-34

There are mornings when I read my Bible that I hear God's voice so clearly speaking to me.  Tuesday was one of those mornings.  My mind was spinning a bit, thinking about my day ahead, going over and over in  my mind the conversations I was about to have with some of the most precious people I have ever known, and how it would be received.  I was emotional to say the least.  As I sat down, coffee in one hand, the Bible app in the other, I began to pray that I could calm down and just think of the words that God would best have me say.  As I read through the first chapter of John, these verses struck me...And I knew that God was confirming, once again, that I was walking where He was leading.  

There are so many circumstances in our lives where we are met with a cross road, and sometimes, making the decision of which direction to take can be almost impossible.  As I walked through the last couple of weeks, I have had such mixed emotions and thoughts, often wondering if I was doing the right thing.  With all of my heart, I knew that logically, it made such great sense, but I have learned not to follow my brain and my emotions on things, but to challenge them with the litmus test of God's truth and the words He speaks.  Sometimes, I will admit, my choices have not always been the right ones, and as I have gotten older, I have realized that living for myself is a demise, and living for Christ is the reward.  All I want to do is what God has planned to further his message through me.

The decisions we have made as a family over the last 18 months has not been received well by everyone.  Some of the dearest people to us do not understand why we have chosen the path we have.  It does not make sense to them, and I understand, they love us, and they want the best for us.  What I have said since day one is that we are following God's desire for us.  We have not understood every obstacle in the course, but with everything that I am, I have trusted that God has already gone before us.  This does not mean I have had 100% perfect days, I have not, ask my friends who have listened to me countless hours, they will tell you that I have gotten weary and wanted to retreat, but I have made it through every one of those days because of God, and His mercy and grace when I want to scream that I HATE THIS! All I want to do is exemplify Christ to those we love.

The words of John, "...I did not know him,....I have seen and I testify that this is God's Chosen One." He had faith in the words he had been told, and when he saw Jesus, he told everyone who He was, the Messiah.  Can you imagine the excitement John felt when He saw the fulfillment and the confirmation that the one who He served was standing right in front of him? That is how I feel.  As I walk into this next chapter of my life, I want everyone to know that I recognize God, the one I have had faith in, the one I have trusted, the one I have clung to.  He has fulfilled His promises to us that He would never leave us or forsake us, and that His plans for us were for our good and not our harm.  He has been Jehovah Jireh, our Provider, and Jehovah Shalom, our Prince of Peace.  He has been our Strong Tower and our Hiding Place, our Comforter and our Deliverer.  He has been our Faithful guide, and our loving Father.  He has held us in His hand and kept the enemy from plucking us.  He has been all of those things and so much more.  All I want to do is bring the Glory back to Him, so that His gospel reaches beyond me.

I have seen Him and I testify that this is God's Chosen One.

When It's Too Big

"Go to the great city of Nineveh and proclaim to it the message I give to you.  Jonah obeyed the word of the Lord and went to Nineveh.  Now Nineveh was a very large city; it took three days to go through it." Jonah 3:2-3


I have probably said it more than 1000 times in the last year, both out loud and silently.  It comes out in many different ways, but the meaning behind it is always the same; This Is Too Big.

It is one thing to hear the voice of God, it is quite another to obey it.  Jonah heard God's voice and he completely disobeyed and went the other way.  This got him in a huge bit of trouble with the people doing life with him, and ultimately, he ended up in the belly of a whale crying out to God to deliver him.  What did God do? He heard Jonah's cry, rescued him from the belly of the whale and sent him back on that same assignment to Nineveh.  Nineveh, a city so big it took three days to go through.  Ever been in an assignment from God that felt like it was too big? 

When I look around at where God has placed me, I often feel like it's too big.  I have a go to statement for days when I feel particularly too small for the assignment, "This is a big girl's job...I'm not a big girl."  It is always on those days when I have to step out of my comfort zone and do something required of the task, something that is going to make me stretch a little farther than I feel is comfortable. I spend way too long in my little pity-party, saying things like, "God, this is not what I thought it was going to look like" or "God, can you just help me out here and make this path straight so I don't have to do so much moving?" and even, "God, this is not fair, this is not what I signed up for"....Yep, I say that sometimes.  

Over the last several weeks, God has been revealing His reply to those statements. Very clearly, in many different venues, God has spoken "You were born for this" to my spirit. And with those words, I have been reminded that I did not "sign up" for anything, I was CREATED by DESIGN to do exactly what it is He has me doing in this moment.  It may not be comfortable, but it probably is not comfortable for the first sprout of a seed to pop it's head out of the soil.  It may make me hurt just a little bit, but it does hurt when we're stretching to the place we are growing into.  It may make me cry out for help, but that is exactly what He is there for, to direct my sight back to His purpose for all of it.  Right in the middle of me expressing "THIS IS TOO BIG!!!" He answers, "YOU'RE RIGHT!!! IT'S TOO BIG FOR YOU, THAT IS WHY YOU MUST DEPEND ON ME!"  

I have not yet arrived at the place where I can say, "I've got this", and I am beginning to think that is exactly where God wants me.  Too many times I have grown so comfortable that I have gone on auto-pilot, allowing myself to navigate; I am convinced God does not ever want me to get to that place again in the calling He has on my life. 

What are you facing that shouts "THIS IS TOO BIG"? Perhaps it's time to hand the wheel back over to the one who created you...for such a time as this......

Goodbye~

"Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past.  Behold, I will do something new.  Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it?  I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18-19

The year 2013 has found its way to the top of the list of years I am happy to say goodbye to.  There are so many reasons, none that are worthy of putting into written words, but never the less, reasons that justify its placement there.  It has been a difficult year for us, and yet, I am completely reminded also of the beauty it has brought to my life. Whatever I write will not be expression enough of the gratitude I have to God for smiling on me and my family this year, it is a simple attempt to share the faithfulness of He who began a good work....

I have watched my children grow through adversity.  So many times, through so many things, I have wondered how they would cope, how they would rise above the seemingly unfair situations that they were forced to be in the middle of.  And time after time, I have observed them turning to their faith in Jesus.  Michaela quietly writes a memory verse on the board in her room....Josiah verbally seeks answers to "why" God allows things.  They truly do inspire me to do this right, to exemplify, even in the weak moments, that God is always actively at work around us and through us.  My kids, they have truly been the Joy of my heart, in 2013.

I have been blessed with a job that has challenged me and chiseled me.  The strategic moves of God I may never understand, but I take comfort in believing it is all for His glory.  Being involved in ministry has not looked the way I thought it would look.  In fact, it is absolutely the opposite.  In that, I have learned so much about myself, the people I work with, the lives we are chosen to touch, and the God who's sovereignty reigns in it all. Working in a 'Life Center' has brought me to my knees; It has also often made me want to put on my running shoes and flee.  My job, it has been one of the scariest and best things that has happened to me, in 2013.

I have been given the gift of True Friendship.  A quote by Paul Tripp sticks in my mind as I try to define what this has looked like... "True Friendship calls you out of the darkness of personal privacy into the loving candor of mutual concern.  It moves you from being a sealed envelope to being an open letter."  I have been the recipient of exactly this from the girls who walk beside me.  Never once have I felt like whatever was going on in my head would not be heard by them, and not just heard, but felt.  In God's very awesome way, He has given to me friendships that are so different, and yet, so exactly the same; bringing perspective filled with love in the midst of chaos.  My Best Friends, they have been one of the most valuable gifts I could ever receive, in 2013.

I have been touched by the love of my family.  Though far away and defined differently than it had been in years past, I have felt the support and care from all those who love us and call us "theirs".  They may not clearly understand why we have such crazy faith in God, they may not always agree with how we may be doing certain things, but that has not stopped them from being there for us, helping us, praying for us, and loving us.  My Ohio family, they have demonstrated their love, in 2013.

And so, with so much Thankfulness and Praise to God for His provision, graciousness, and love, I say goodbye to 2013.  Goodbye to the struggle, goodbye to the scary, goodbye to the uncertainty.  And I say Hello to 2014.  Hello to the struggle, hello to the scary, hello to the uncertainty....because in it, lies the Greatest Gifts God could ever give...Roadways in the wilderness and Springs in the desert....

Here I am. Send Me.

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here I am.  Send me." Isaiah 6:8

I grew up in a little country Baptist church.  From the time I was a very little girl, I sang, and in the 4th grade, I had my first solo.  I still remember that song, every single word; 

" Here am I Lord, send me.  Here am I Lord, send me. 
 I will serve you faithfully, Here am I Lord, send me.

 Lord I give my life to you, take control each day, 
I will follow anywhere, near or far away.  

Here am I Lord, send me.  Here am I Lord, send me.  
I will serve you faithfully, Here am I Lord, send me.  

Lord I want your perfect will, be my faithful guide, 
I will never be afraid, you are close  beside.  

Here am I Lord, send me.  Here am I Lord, send me.  
I will serve you faithfully, Here am I Lord, send me.  

Let me see my mission field, all around each day.  
Fill my heart with Jesus' love.  Use me Lord, I pray.  

Here am I Lord, send me.  Here am I Lord, send me.  
I will serve you faithfully, Here am I Lord, send me.  
Here am I Lord, send me.  Here am I Lord, send me.  
I will serve you faithfully, Here am I Lord, send me."

There is always a song in my head..but the song began in my heart.  God used music to imprint His will on my life; the words above are the first to ever touch so deep that they became a part of me.  And tonight, I am not just reminded of this song, but of the faithfulness of God.  

I did not fully understand at 10 years old how God would craft the calling He had destined for me...but today, I see it full well.  I am ever willing to do my part to bring Him glory by walking in that plan He had for me...long before I ever noticed His light in the very dark places.   In the words of my dear friend, "If I went through it all just to help one, it was worth it." 

I will follow anywhere, near or far away.
I will never be afraid, you are close beside.
Fill my heart with Jesus' love. Use me Lord, I pray.
Here am I Lord, send me.

The Sound

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7


It was too dark to see it, but I could hear it.  Its rhythm was calming, its presence called for quiet.  As I closed my eyes, I knew God was saying it once again, and this time, I was listening.  I awoke many times, but never without gently being lulled backed to sleep by the sound.  The waves crashed and receded, and as they did, I heard Him speak...peace.

I wrestled with the sound of peace because peace has no sound.  Within the chaos of life, there seemed no place for silence, no room for nothing.  Circumstances built chaos, and chaos produced confusion.  In the midst of confusion, finding my footing seemed the best way to overcome, and victory always seemed to come quicker with a loud battle cry. The warrior I had become was not of kindness and gentleness, but of quick tongue and brassy edges.  And yet....He was calling me to peace....

In John 14, Jesus is comforting his disciples after telling them of his immanent death; in verse 27 he says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled, do not be afraid."  This is the kind of peace that God wants us to have.  In the face of uncertain circumstances, He offers to us something the world cannot give.  The world can give us chaos, confusion and instability, but it cannot give to us the peace that transcends our own understanding...but Jesus can.  

The sound of the Ocean became something more to me... it has been written on my heart in a new way, straight from Heaven.  It's view is magical, it's world a mystery, and it's sound...it's sound is peace.  When I wrestle with falling back to brassy, may I remember the music of the waves dancing to a rhythm written by God...calling me back to being still....calling me back to peace.

Valley of Purpose

"The hand of the Lord was upon me, and He brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and sat me down in the middle of the valley; and it was full of bones.  He caused me to pass among them round about, and behold, there were very many on the surface of the valley; and lo, they were very dry." Ezekiel 37:1-2


So here you stand, in the middle of the valley looking around at a place that is dead and hopeless.  The smell startles you, a familiar stench, and yet foreign.  Your memory jogs and suddenly you realize you have been here before.  It has been a long time, so many things have changed, and yet, the valley is so very much the same.  

Your head is hanging low as you try to recall how you got here.  One wrong turn there, not listening close enough here; on and on you go for what seems like several minutes as you trace the steps to this very point.  Every mistake you have made is blazing in your ears, you cannot see past the regret of doing it wrong; and yet, in the midst of the chaos going on in your mind, you hear His voice.  It is a calm voice, calling you gently back, speaking words of Life and Truth, reminding you that you are His and He is here; even in the valley.

Today I read Ezekiel 37 verse one and had a sudden jolt in my spirit.  In Ezekiel's vision, he clearly says The hand of the Lord was on him, and HE (the Spirit of the Lord) brought him down into the valley.  What? God brought him down into this valley?  WOAH!!! You mean, it wasn't because of the wrong turns, the misplaced steps, the huge mistakes he made?  It was GOD??  And wait a minute...God brought Ezekiel down to the valley to use him?  To empower him to speak life and breath into dry bones? The chapter goes onto explain the vision in greater detail, that God was preparing Ezekiel to go speak that same LIFE into the people of Israel.  

God has us right where we are for a purpose.  It may seem like a valley to us, it may have all the familiar sights and smells of a place of darkness, but today let me challenge you as I have been challenged; to change the lens that we look through.  Instead of being blinded by the darkness, choose to see that glimmer of light.  Instead of being sucked into the despair, reach for the joy.  Instead of giving in to the death, stand up and fight for Life.  Allow your perspective to be filtered  through the eyes of Jesus.  Allow his grace to sustain you as you walk, and his mercy to catch you when you fall.  His plan for your life, for the lives of the ones you love, is nothing short of amazing. Be the agent of hope, and speak LIFE INTO DRY BONES!

Perfectly Placed

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" Isaiah 55:8-9

Like almost every morning, I scanned through my e-mails.  Because I had none showing up in my "VIP" list, (my way of filtering my favorites), I knew nothing was of immediate importance or worth. As I scrolled through, I stopped on a devotional.  If the opening scripture does not speak to me quickly in a moment like this, before my morning coffee has taken on it's full effect, I click delete before I even think about it.  This morning, I continued reading....

Even now, two hours later I can not remember what the content of that email was, but I do know that with that opening verse, God spoke swiftly to a part of me that was searching for stillness amongst the clatter of the things going through my mind.  Finding sleep last night was difficult as I played out every scenario and situation I am currently involved with.  With quite a bit of anxiety, I tossed and turned; with every turn a different topic came to my mind and I was sucked back into trying to "figure it all out."  I did not find a peaceful state to sleep last night, and my dreams continued the craziness in my head.  It was with that opening scripture that God jolted my attention; I was trying to figure it all out instead of trusting Him.

I am guilty of feeling it is my responsibility to make things run smooth in all aspects of life.  It is part of the "people pleaser" in me that is still in recovery. I get so caught up in things that I feel are injustices, that I take on this persona of a warrior going after the kill, and if I am not careful and very purposeful in my approach, I begin to take over where only God is suppose to be in control. I heard God say to me in the midst of my morning fog, "I am not your team mate, I am your leader, Bonnie. Give me back the control and rest.  I have you placed where I want you, allow me to guide you." 

Today, rest in the sovereignty of the Almighty, that He has you PERFECTLY PLACED right where He wants you.  Give Him back the control and allow Him to guide you in the purpose that He is working through you.  Jim Elliot, the missionary martyr once said, "Where ever you are, be all there", don't just be there, be ALL there.  Be ALL that mom that God wants you to be.  Be ALL that wife that God wants you to be.  Be ALL that leader God wants you to be; and be ALL that friend that God wants you to be.  Remember, His thoughts are not ours, His ways are HIGHER~ If God has you in this moment, in that relationship, in that circumstance, it is for a reason.  Trust Him, and give Him back His proper place...the lead....

Let's Walk

Proverbs 13:20 "He who walks with the wise grows wise..."

Recently, my friend and I decided that as often as needed, we would remind each other that the most important things to get caught up in are those things that have an eternal value.  The words, "And remember, don't get caught up in that, it's not of eternal value" have become a normal part of our conversation...Why? Because almost daily, at least one of us needs a trusted verbal reminder that what we "feel" is not always the best way to determine what we set our passions to.

I have witnessed over the last couple of weeks, an intensity in situations around me.  Some of those situations are of eternal value and deserve the fight, but some are merely a ploy by the enemy to distract me from the things that are most important. Satan is sneaky and deceptive, but he is not smart; I do not do life alone, and if I am weak in my defenses on a given day, you can be sure my friends are on guard.  Sometimes, it might just be a single sentence from my mouth that hints to the battle I am having, and because I am walking with women who seek after God, He works in and through them to stand along side of me. Some days, it's a silent listening ear, and some days, it's a text in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, because quite frankly, I need someone I trust to raise their voice at me to get my mind back on the things of significance and not stupidity; and sometimes, I need someone to tell me to STAND and FIGHT for injustice and FLEX MY MUSCLES!!

I am reminded of the friendship of Jonathan and David.  Jonathan loved David so much, that when he saw the enemy ready to take David out, he protected him and told David of the plot his father had to kill him.  Isn't this the way we should be with our friends? So aware of what is going on in their lives, that we too recognize the enemy and quickly bring warning of an incoming attack?  And then I think of  Ruth and Naomi.  Ruth would not listen to the pleas of Naomi to leave her in her distress, instead, she committed to stand with her through the pain.  Isn't this the way we should be with our friends? Heart connected in such a way that we stand with them in their tough stuff, ready to be immovable when their world seems to be spinning?

Living life in community with like-minded, God seeking, Jesus passionate girlfriends is one of the greatest blessings God has given to me.  As a mentor and leader of women, it makes me smile when I see other ladies around me experiencing the same thing; true friendship.  God's design for women is to have relationship with one another in healthy ways, ways that glorify Him, and bring us closer to Him. I can not imagine my life without the ladies who walk on each side of me.  God's agenda far outweighs our own insecurities, and trusting that He has the best in mind for me gives me freedom, because I know it is He who has chosen for me, the "Best of the Best."

True Friendship~
It speaks Truth and Life~It Protects and Defends~It Sits and Listens~It Stands and Fights.

Five Reasons My Eyes Will Not Stop Sweating

Sometimes, God just wants us to thank him in the middle of our junk

1.)  I have this New Job.  It’s called a job because I actually get paid to do it,  but it’s so much more than that, it is a mission and a purpose.  Every day I wake up different than the day before.  The magnitude of the responsibility is so beyond my own capabilities.  Standing in the trenches is the place I most want to be.  And so, my eyes sweat in surrender to the only one who can do it through me.  Philippians 4:13

 

2.) I have an Amazing Husband.  I think about his sacrifice for our family, and I am so proud to be his wife.  When days get long and I am emotional and exhausted, I remember that we are in this together and that God gave me the best team-mate. His life exemplifies the true transforming power of Jesus Christ. And so, my eyes sweat in gratitude to the one who brought me to him. 1 Chronicles 16:34

 

3.) I have two Beautiful Children. My kids simply rock.  There could never be two more different flowers from the same garden. I look at them and wonder what I ever did to deserve such precious people of my own. They make me laugh and stir my heart in ways I never knew possible. They make me proud every single day for simply being who God created them to be.  And so, my eyes sweat in thanksgiving to the one who blessed me with them.   1 Samuel 1:27

 

4.) I have an Awesome Church.  The heartbeat of the local body I call family, is the heartbeat of Jesus.  Transparency and authenticity leaks from everywhere.  Joy fills every room because true love resides there.  It is a place passionate about the things of God and the desire to see each life touched and restored in a supernatural way.  And so, my eyes sweat in love for the one who brought me here. 1 Corinthians 11:1

 

5.) I have True Friends.  I use to think I knew what friendship was, but I didn’t.  God has so delicately placed amazing women in my life who see me better than my best and call me higher than my highest.  True friendship is without expectation and judgment.  It is viewed with eyes that see into the heart. It is knowing your place without question, and trusting without hesitation. It is listening and being heard. It is comfort, it is strength, it is bold, it is gentle, it is kind, and it is love.  And so, my eyes sweat from a heart filled with joy for undeserved favor, to the one who gave them to me. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Crazy Faith

Romans 4:20-21 "No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised."

I am, by nature or nurture, a tad bit crazy; my personality and unique look at life has always held a certain element of exaggeration.  I will never forget a couple of years ago, a friend and I were on a trolley car in San Francisco; I can't remember at all what I had said to her, but she looked at me so matter-of-factly and said, "You're such an over exaggerator," and then totally cracked up at herself.  I did not laugh; in fact, I began that very day to investigate what that description meant, and how I had been labeled as such in her eyes. As I continued the journey to wholeness in Christ, I realized that those words, words she probably forgot in less than 5 seconds, were true words, but they were not necessarily negative words.  I am an exaggerator, and I am crazy, but throughout my entire life, I was not using those pieces of my personality for anything except drama, drama, and more drama.

When I talk about what God has done in my life, I sound a little crazy, and people think I might just be exaggerating, when in fact, it's all very true.  I am different than I once was; Where there use to be hostility, there is peace.  Where there use to be fear, there is confidence.  Where there use to be uncertainty, there is promise.  Where there use to be death, there is life. I do not forget the fragile woman I once was, because she is still a part of who I am. I look at her in the mirror everyday, and although I see her, the reflection is very different.  She is still crazy, but she is crazy about the things of God, not the nets cast by this world to entangle her and hold her back.

I cannot imagine living any other way than totally sold out for the things of the Kingdom.  To go backwards would never be ok, because God is calling me forward. Noah didn't decide to stop following God after God brought him and his family through the Great Flood.  Abraham didn't decide to stop following God after God spared his son from sacrifice. Joseph didn't decide to stop following God after he was rescued from the pit. Daniel didn't decide to stop following God after God saved him from the lions; and I will not stop following God after He has healed my body, healed my mind, healed my emotions, healed my heart, and healed my family.  

Call me crazy, but when you call me crazy, pay close attention to the things I am crazy about.  I have crazy faith and crazy anticipation of the promises of God.  I may not look at life the same way many people do, but I hope I challenge those around me to look past their current situation and see God in the middle of it.  I live my life big with an exaggerated personality, but when you see the actions I take that seem exaggerated to you, look closer at the reasons I do them; those reasons are found in the promises already fulfilled by Christ in my life. 

Crazy Faith.
Crazy Faith.
Crazy Faith.

The kind that does not make sense and makes people wonder, but when fulfilled, brings  multitudes into relationship with Jesus.

Do You Trust Me?

"The king was overjoyed and gave orders to lift Daniel out of the den. And when Daniel was lifted from the den, no wound was found on him, because he had trusted in his God."  Daniel 6:23

Imagine being thrown into a den of hungry lions, left there to be devoured, only to be pulled out not only alive, but alive and untouched.  Daniel's deliverance from the lions is an amazing example of God following through on His promises.  God had promised that He was going to deliver the people of Israel if they obeyed His law.  Daniel took God at His word and continued to obey, despite the threats of death on his life. 

As I was recounting this story in scripture, my eyes were halted and focused on verse 10, I could not get past it-"...and he continued kneeling on his knees three times a day, praying and giving thanks before his God, as he had been doing previously."  So, after Daniel knew his sentence of death had been signed, he continued to obey God, even knowing he was about to stare death in the face.  His faith in God superseded his fear of man. 

Seems almost impossible to us, doesn't it? To have the faith to stand in the face of certain death.  To choose to obey instead of conceding to save one's life.  To stand up to the king and say his man made rules do not supersede the law of the Lord. To open the windows and pray confidently to the God who has promised to deliver his people from harm.  It can seem impossible to us because many times, we do not take the stance to hear the voice of the Lord, to recognize Him, and take Him at His word.  The stance of being on our knees, fully surrendered to His will for our lives.

Why don't we find ourselves in that stance? Is it fear? Is it distrust? Is it being too busy? Is it that we might lose control? I would say yes...to all of those and more.  Because we live in a world where authority seems to dictate to us what we do and how we act, we often limit God to those exact permitters, that if He is asking us to obey Him, then we are going to lose our rights and privileges.  While I understand where those thoughts come from, it does not give excuse for us to live our life in disobedience, always doing what we feel would be best for us, never consulting the one who actually created us! We have humanized God so much, that we see Him the same way we do our earthly rulers, when all He wants is to GIVE  to us our rights and privileges as HEIRS to His Kingdom.

Finding oneself in a modern day lions den can be terrifying. But listening to His voice, with the promise of life on the other side, far outweighs the fear.  Not long ago, I heard Him say to me, "Do you trust me?"....Of course I said, "yes"....only to hear Him say, "No, do you TRUST me?" in the calmest and most comforting way.  I felt my heart bow before Him with a tender "YES".  That is who God is, He is our Confidence in the face of fear; He is our Yes in the middle of no; He is our Strength when we are at our weakest; He is our All when we have nothing.

Do you trust Him?....NO, do you TRUST Him??......

STOP!

"They passed through the Phrygian and Galatian region, having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia; and after they came to Mysia, they were trying to go into Bithynia, and the Spirit of Jesus did not permit them;" Acts 16:6-7

How many times have we felt God leading in a certain area or situation in our lives, only to be stopped dead in our tracks from going forward?  What is our reaction when this happens? I would venture to say that more times than not, our gut instinct is to think that we have done something wrong, messing up what it was we "thought" we were suppose to do.

The apostle Paul is a great example of such a thing, EXCEPT, his perception was not marred by the world, but led by the Spirit.  In Galatians 1:12, Paul says "For I neither received it from man, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation of Jesus Christ."  It is time we as Christians take our eyes off of ourselves, the people around us, our opinions, their critiques, and place ourselves solely in the hands of the Holy Spirit.  

When our family of four moved to California, the number one thing I had to do was get us connected and grounded in a good church.  In my mind was a lot of "man made" anxiety, thinking and feeling that it was in fact MY JOB to do this.  I prayed, I cried, I searched (only for about 3 days, but still...that was an eternity to this PK).  Anyway, once God planted us in our local church, I began feeling like I needed to get involved in some sort of ministry, and as a default, I went to what I knew best, singing.  Now, I started this totally out of desperation, just wanting to do something I had always done, knowing I would be comfortable behind the microphone (note the word comfortable).  I did pray about it, but to say I sought the Lord on it would be lying.  Running parallel to this was a Bible Study I had began going to, focusing on Prayer.  There were so many things taking place inside of me in the process of that Bible Study, that the voice of the Lord began to become clearer and clearer with every single day. On my last rehearsal before joining the team on a Sunday morning, I sat at the keyboard with our praise and worship pastor going over things when out of NO WHERE, I felt a shift in my spirit, looked at her and said, "STOP!! I CAN'T DO THIS! I DO NOT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS MOMENT, ALL I KNOW IS THAT THIS IS NOT WHAT I AM SUPPOSE TO BE DOING".  We both laughed at the candidness of the moment, and agreed that God was in that moment, very present. 

Within a very short time, my personal praise and worship became much more than I could have ever dreamed.  God gives us gifts and talents, but what man does with and to those is so often in contrast to His design.  My mentality was "Oh, you were born into THAT family, well, then you have to be on the stage singing".  By releasing myself from the pressures of what I thought I should be doing, and focusing on what it was GOD wanted me to do, my life took a major shift; was it comfortable? No; in fact, the journey has been one of the most difficult things I have faced, because in facing myself, I began to be stretched, refined, sharpened, (dulled when needed), BUT all with the affirming voice of the Holy Spirit leading and guiding.

We can do all the planning we want for any amount of time that we want, but if we are seeking after God, and He says "STOP", it may not be because we were doing anything wrong, it may in fact be because He has a Greater picture for us.  The Holy Spirit told Paul he was not going into Asia, but within a couple of years, according to Acts 19:10, all those who lived in Asia heard the word of the Lord. God is not ironic. We often label His works manifest as if they are ironic, but nothing about Him is coincidental or unexpected. He knew you from the beginning of time, and He has your story written. He is waiting for you to commit to going longer and deeper in your relationship with Him. He will make the path of your life known to you, In Him, there will be fullness of Joy and Pleasures Forever (Ps.16:11).

Peace Be Still

"Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm." Mark 4:39

     

     I use to be the kind of girl that would get anxious and worrisome about the future.  I would sit and contemplate my "place" in the world, and wonder how the view I had of myself was going to fit into the plan God had for my life. This seemed for me a legitimate worry, because I was so often caught in the middle of storm after storm after storm.  Many times, the only thing I could do was dream about what it "might" look like if God did in fact, decide that enough was enough, and rescue me from the waves.  I look back now and see, in every situation, that God was, in fact, rescuing me every single time; and each time, for a completely different reason, and yet, all the same; to show me His power, mercy and grace when I thought for sure nothing or no one could save me.

     The testimony I carry of the power of God in my life seems, some days, to be left off to the side, a mere "happenstance" and often, so common to me now, that I forget how I have gotten to where I am today.  As awful as that sounds, I know that I am not the only one guilty of such a thing.  Is it not easier for us to live in the "now" and not focus on the "then"? CERTAINLY!! But over the last several weeks, God has been nudging at my heart, asking me to take Him to deeper places, places that I have guarded very well. Places that have defined who I am.

     It is very easy to testify to a miracle God has done that is a physical healing.  Once I was healed of MS, I never really looked back.  Those few years have no grip on my mind and heart because, at least I believe, it was an affliction of the enemy to wear down my body and it did not work; God won, and quite rapidly might I add.  Although those days were dark, I remember very little about it, it was just a "blink" in the entirety of my life.  I cannot explain exactly why I feel this way, except to say, that to testify of the healing God has done on the inside of me far outweighs what has happened on the outside.

     A couple of weeks ago, I was reminded of who I once was. I was reminded of the Mercy of God, His Tenderness, His Grace, His Love. I once read a quote by Maya Angelou that said: "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."  I think the agony may come front the fact that such a story may never be told, and if it is never told, another life may not find Truth and Freedom.  My story has nothing to do with other people.  While I might have been a victim of things beyond my control, the story that belongs to me is that of the rescuing power of Jesus.  A power that overcomes the "effects" of those events.  My story does not read like that of some, but I know that it reads like that of many; Caught in the middle of a storm, searching for a savior, anxiously and very fearfully believing that this may be the last breath that you breathe.

     No storm is wasted.  While the waves may be tossing us and throwing us, the fact that our heads are still above the water is proof enough that God is stronger than our circumstances. The woman I am today is in complete contrast to who I was 20 years ago. The reason is, because God, not a moment too soon and not a minute too late, got up on my behalf and cried to the wind, "...peace be still."

      

In The Beginning GOD......

‎"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
-Ephesians 3:20-21

In the past week alone, I have been asked numerous times how exactly we landed ourselves in California. We have often been asked about this, but this weekend, it was becoming quite a topic of almost EVERY social setting we found ourselves in. On Sunday afternoon, I was asked once again....and I laughed inside. It was comical because I had been kinda "stuck" on trying to figure out why God had brought this particular topic up so many times in consecutive days...and Sunday was just a little silent conversation between God and I, Him letting me know, "I hear you, Bonnie!" I smiled on the outside because my heart was bustin on the inside. I love how God speaks to each of us with so uniquely within who He created us to be.

So, I told the sorry, sappy story all starting with, "Well, Mike was a Manager for General Motors for 12 years, and, well, you KNOW what happened to GM!!....." I'm stopping there for a very specific reason; God told me to. After I told our short story that makes everyone feel really bad for us, we went around the room and introduced ourselves to new people. Mike started by saying, "Hi, I'm Mike Mahnke, this is my wife Bonnie, and my kids, Michaela and Josiah. People ask us often how we ended up here, and our new answer is just GOD." At that moment, I could not have been more proud of my husband, and yet at the same time, so completely humiliated before my God. The beginning of that conversation between me and God not 10 minutes earlier was finished in that one word; GOD. I left that pizza place different than when I went in.

I have spent 2 years telling the story of how Mike lost his job, and we were faced with only one choice, to come across the country for a job. I have been very proud of our story, because along the way, there were so many things that God dropped in our lap to let us know that He was all over everything that was going on. These "little" things to so many people proved to us that we were being obedient, even in the midst of extreme pain and disbelief. Do you see how this is going? This is how I have described the hand of God. Do you see what I see? I didn't until Sunday, but it is worth telling everyone about.

One of my pastors recently said to me, "We only have two choices, we can either hide or we can shine." The conversation was about something completely different, but I'm reminded of it as I think about how we "hide" behind our circumstances in life, blame them on "humanity", and forget to allow the Glory of God to shine through it. It has never been my intent to hide God from what has happened to us over these last two years, and He knows that, but He felt it was time for me to change the story, to remove "us" and start with Him! I love how God reveals things just at the right time for us. I was completely convicted as soon as those words came out of Mike's mouth. I cried out to God in my spirit, acknowledging that I had done exactly what I would never think I could do, minimize God and His authority in our lives to match the society we live in. To make it palatable to people around us, we often start with all the sad, sappy parts of our lives, how we have been down and out and how we "found" God in the middle of it...my how we have lost sight of the soveirgnty of our God.

Our story starts like this; "Well, you see, God knew long before we were ever created exactly what, when, where, how and why we were going to be in the situations of the last 15 years. God walked right beside us as we trudged through medical diagnosis after medical diagnosis that would ultimately claim the lives of both Mike and I. God carried us through the muck of figuring out how we were going to care for our two beautiful kids, and He guided us as we made difficult decisions that ultimately led to a day almost three years ago that would change our lives forever."

I think of the years leading up to that day as a gift from God. I could not have said that in the midst of the pain and trauma, but today, I can see God all over it, so much bigger than the actual circumstances that engulfed us. Being on the other side of miraculous healing gives us such clearer eyes. I'm so not only talking about physical and psychological healing, but of core healing. The kind of healing that causes a person to be responsible for what they have done with the "yuck" of the world. It has truly been the most miraculous healing I have encountered. God knows this, and He celebrates it with me. Manifested healing of the body is miraculous and speaks to the greatness of our God. Manifested healing of the inner man takes that greatness we have received from Him, that is too much for us to even imagine, and places it on the deepest part of the heart. There are really no words to explain it. That is how Amazing His love, grace, and mercy is for us.

Today, I'm reminded of God. A God who is not limited to the 12 foot painting of a long haired shepard holding a lamb that was plastered at the front of my little church growing up; but a God who created the world, a God who has a plan within that creation, a God who created each of us in His image to bring Him glory. It is possible for us to take God out of the box we have put Him in. Give Him glory first.

In the beginning, GOD! That's simple. My story, Your story, All stories....IN THE BEGINNING, GOD!!!!

Believing and Cobwebs

"And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord" Luke 1:45

I hate cobwebs. Yes, I used the word hate, and I am pretty sure that I mean it. I have spent some of my morning removing them from my 10 foot ceilings. While I was on that ladder, reaching for the one I could barely get to, I heard this verse read on the Christian TV channel. Had anyone been here to see my reaction, I am sure it would have made for great comedy....I nearly fell off the third step!

As I finished cleaning up those cobwebs, I began to think about all of the things that life throws at us that we do not see coming. Some of the dirt on those webs were big clumps, but most of it was unseen by the naked eye. As I ran the cloth across it, I could see how thick all of those tiny particles became when put together in one place. Oh how this relates to us who have gotten caught up between what the world says we are, and what our God says that we are.

The angel Gabriel appears to Elizabeth telling not only of her child, but also her cousin Mary's child. When Mary came to her, she exhorted her friend for BELIEVING THAT WHICH GOD HAD SPOKEN OVER HER. How many times have we witnessed a word from God being spoken over us or someone we love only to be gradually overtaken by the small particles of doubt, disbelief and negligence. Can you imagine what would have happened had she focused on the first person that said, "Whatever Mary, you do not even have a husband." Instead, she believed God and found favor in His sight.

I have heard is said that many believe IN God, but few ever think about BELIEVING God. We believe that there is a God. We believe He is our creator. We believe He is our savior. We believe He is our deliverer. We believe He is our redeemer. BUT, we stop just short of believing He has found any favor in our lives. We look at people around us and are genuinely happy for the blessings God had preformed on their behalf, but because we have collected so much "invisible dirt", our view of our own lives and situations are clouded. We are not so far different than Israel of the Old Testament, Ps 106:12-13 says: "They believed his promises and sang his praise. But they soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for his counsel." By allowing the dirt to build up in that one little cobweb, we forget the Glory God has already shown on our behalf, and move forward blinded and crippled by the screaming of the world in front of our face.

What if we returned our focus to God instead of ourselves. What if we decided we were going to get out of our comfort zone and clean those stinking cobwebs that have taken over quicker than we ever thought they could. What if we opened up our Bible to receive more of Him, not to just "prove" that what we are going through is in there. What if we became open to hear from the Holy Spirit those things which are not so pretty about ourselves in order to clean them out and make us better ministers of His word.

It takes a lot of hard work to clean cobwebs. I was a little sweaty reaching for the furthest one, and then, just when I thought I had it, I saw one more spec of dirt to be wiped away, calling me back to that uncomfortable position to clean it so well that it did not bother me tomorrow. That is what my heart is stirring over for people in the body of Christ. Taking responsibility for cleaning out the dirt we have allowed to accumulate and bringing us to a position of being able to see the purpose God called us to. Until we are ready to deal with the unseen dust, we are not truly ready to walk fully in our calling.

Keep On Keepin On!

In His Grip!